I love people and I love being around them, but sometimes they do and say things that irritate me just as I probably do them. What bugs me most is when they ask questions like "How's school?" "Do you like it?" "When will you be done?" "Are you still living at home?" Oh and this is one of my favorites."Why don't you have your degree yet?" Because I'm a lazy, stupid, incompetent person! Happy?! And how exactly does it effect you? Why do you care? Do I ask when you're going to sell your house and move into a retirement community? Do I ask when you and your spouse are going to have another child or your first one? No I don't ask those questions for one simple reason. I really don't care. I don't but into other people's business and tell them how to live their lives! So why do they ask questions that I doubt they care about the answer to? Nosy and rude they can be sometimes. Oh yeah they use the guise of "concern" but I have nothing to be concerned or pitied about and I feel like they only ask those questions so they can judge me on my answers.
As for the question of "How's school?" people don't really want to know the answer to that one so usually I just say "Fine." I want to say "You want to know how school is? It stinks. It always has and it always will. I hate school. I've always hated school. It's been a thorn in my side since kindergarten, but I grit my teeth and do it because I know there's no other way for me to make a living and I live for the day when I can delete it from my life forever!" I guess that would answer the "Do you like it?" question too.
Then there has been the questions..."Is this your last year?" "When will you be done?" Let me answer this once and for all. No this is not my last year. The school likes to drag it out and cause all these delays and make us jump through all these hoops and crap! Plus despite the desperate need for nurses the school has taken it's good old time accepting people into clinicals because they want to keep students as long as possible so they can make more money. Meanwhile patients aren't getting the proper care they need because there aren't enough nurses to do it. It makes me sick.
I realize that people are just trying to make conversation with me and trying to be friendly. I appreciate that...I'm not a totally irrational person despite what I say here. But if I really said what I thought I would alienate them and I don't want to do that because they're my family and my brothers and sisters in Christ and I love them. People just need to get to know me and they know that school is not the be all and end all of my existence even though it is for some kids. People don't really like to talk about their digestive functions and that's how I feel about school. It's not something I enjoy and if I want to talk about it I will bring it up. School is necessary and people and animals fart. They're facts of life and maybe some people do talk freely about bodily functions and some about school, but I don't...although I'm more likely to talk about school. But the principle is the same. If I want to talk about school I will bring it up. Even if you do bring it up of course I will be polite and kind to you because you are my neighbor and I love you, but I'd rather not talk about it.
And finally the worst of all annoying questions. "Are you dating anyone?" Oh ouch. Must I answer that? NO!!! I am not and it's because I'm not that that's a very painful subject for me. I don't know why God is taking so long to send me the right man, but he must have a reason. I'm hearing my biological clock ticking at 23 and some might think that's awfully young, but when I see girls my age married or soon to be...well...is it really? I'm not getting any younger, but I have to trust that God will bring the right man along for me before I become old, wrinkled, and barren. Believe me when I do finally find "The One" I will shout from the roof tops. "Yes I'm dating someone!" but until then...let me bring up the dating subject if I want to.
So let's say I did graduate, then I'd have to get a job. Then I'd move out of my parents house and get a place of my own. Then I'd get married and have kids. Well, what would be wrong with me then? Or what would be wrong with my kids or my husband or my house? Why aren't I getting promoted? Why isn't my husband getting promoted? Why aren't my kids doing better in school? Guess I'll never be good enough for people. They'll always find something to nag and judge me about. People need to mind their own business.
Okay I guess I've made my point in this soapbox blog post. Maybe the next one will be more upbeat, but I had to get that off my chest. Till next.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Article by T.D. Jakes
This is for me to read and anyone else who is insecure about their looks. It is by the Bishop T.D. Jakes.
True Beauty
The Bishop reminds us to look beyond the external to the divine source of our transcendent beauty.
"As a boy I remember hearing men describe women they found pretty. "She's light-skinned," they might have said, "Got long, good hair and light eyes." Times have changed-or have they? How many of us still ascribe to others' standard of beauty? When will we break this cycle of passing down to our children that their appearance is not pleasing enough? I've counseled more people than I care to number who have shared with me that they felt "unwanted" or "not worthy of love" because of some narrow-minded comment that they were not attractive.
We are bombarded with contradictory messages about what we should look like. Who among us doesn't recall it being said that someone was too skinny, too fat, too black, too light, too thick-lipped, too thin-nosed, too kinky-headed, too something or other? So many women of immense beauty never see that beauty reflected in the mirror because they are bent on being a size 6 instead of a size 18, even when that fuller size looks delectable on them.
The narrow conventions about what makes a person beautiful present a quandary at times. Singer Susan Boyle was a recent example. before she could fill the air with a single mellifluous note, she had already drawn snickers and stares if disbelief from the celebrity judges of Britain's Got Talent. They and member s of the audience were unimpressed by the plain looks of this jobless 47-year-old woman. But what a difference the sound of her singing made as she grabbed the spotlight and more than a few international headlines. "I dreamed a dream..." she sang in a voice that was melodic, passionate, moving, beautiful.
What do you dream of doing in your own life? Who would you be if you refused to be chained by other people's judgments, if you never for a moment doubted your own intrinsic worth and God-given appeal? We must extinguish our shallow prejudices about appearance. The eyes, lips, noses, chins, cheekbones, legs, arms and other body parts we possess are the fruit of our parents' genes. For a price, some of us might seek to have our natural-born selves carved, nipped and tucked under the surgeon's knife, buy hair that is not our own, or pop in contact lenses to change the color of our eyes. Yet we can never get away from who we are-and who we are is God's exquisite creation.
All that God created is good and beautiful. As the Scriptures tell us in 1 Peter 3:3-4:
"Let our beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious."
God wants us to understand that true beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which means that all we need to do to see our own light is to look upon ourselves with loving eyes. That's why I was grateful that Susan Boyle reminded us that what pours out from the inside is exceedingly more magnificent than any exterior packaging. So step onto the grand stage of our own life. See how beautiful you are."
(Me again.) This is all well and good. Now if I could just find a single guy that thinks this way cause it's the only way I'll ever find anybody : (
True Beauty
The Bishop reminds us to look beyond the external to the divine source of our transcendent beauty.
"As a boy I remember hearing men describe women they found pretty. "She's light-skinned," they might have said, "Got long, good hair and light eyes." Times have changed-or have they? How many of us still ascribe to others' standard of beauty? When will we break this cycle of passing down to our children that their appearance is not pleasing enough? I've counseled more people than I care to number who have shared with me that they felt "unwanted" or "not worthy of love" because of some narrow-minded comment that they were not attractive.
We are bombarded with contradictory messages about what we should look like. Who among us doesn't recall it being said that someone was too skinny, too fat, too black, too light, too thick-lipped, too thin-nosed, too kinky-headed, too something or other? So many women of immense beauty never see that beauty reflected in the mirror because they are bent on being a size 6 instead of a size 18, even when that fuller size looks delectable on them.
The narrow conventions about what makes a person beautiful present a quandary at times. Singer Susan Boyle was a recent example. before she could fill the air with a single mellifluous note, she had already drawn snickers and stares if disbelief from the celebrity judges of Britain's Got Talent. They and member s of the audience were unimpressed by the plain looks of this jobless 47-year-old woman. But what a difference the sound of her singing made as she grabbed the spotlight and more than a few international headlines. "I dreamed a dream..." she sang in a voice that was melodic, passionate, moving, beautiful.
What do you dream of doing in your own life? Who would you be if you refused to be chained by other people's judgments, if you never for a moment doubted your own intrinsic worth and God-given appeal? We must extinguish our shallow prejudices about appearance. The eyes, lips, noses, chins, cheekbones, legs, arms and other body parts we possess are the fruit of our parents' genes. For a price, some of us might seek to have our natural-born selves carved, nipped and tucked under the surgeon's knife, buy hair that is not our own, or pop in contact lenses to change the color of our eyes. Yet we can never get away from who we are-and who we are is God's exquisite creation.
All that God created is good and beautiful. As the Scriptures tell us in 1 Peter 3:3-4:
"Let our beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious."
God wants us to understand that true beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which means that all we need to do to see our own light is to look upon ourselves with loving eyes. That's why I was grateful that Susan Boyle reminded us that what pours out from the inside is exceedingly more magnificent than any exterior packaging. So step onto the grand stage of our own life. See how beautiful you are."
(Me again.) This is all well and good. Now if I could just find a single guy that thinks this way cause it's the only way I'll ever find anybody : (
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Diva in Disguise
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b
For nearly a week now the media has been in a frenzy over a Scottish singing sensation named Susan Boyle whose performance on the reality show "Britain's Got Talent" surprised and enthralled everyone all over the world. You have to live under a rock not to have heard about her.
Never has any contestant on this show been so talked about and adored. It's like she's already won the competition. She literally became a celebrity overnight. Just why are we so fascinated with her? I think because of the supposed irony. Here's this unemployed, homely, cat lady, spinster who's "never been kissed" and out of nowhere, this voice comes that no one expected. She sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables and the song is about broken dreams which adds to the irony because I think her dreams just came true.
When she stepped out on the stage the audience judged the book by it's cover as always. We live in a very looks obsessed society in Western culture and I wouldn't say she's ugly. She has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth and she's not badly overweight. But I won't say she fit the definition of pretty either. She really wasn't much to look at. People scoffed and laughed and thought the audition would last about three seconds. After she belted the first line though...no one was laughing. She sang that song as well as I've ever heard a Broadway performer sing it. The look on Simon Cowell's face was priceless. Everyone was stunned and thrilled. You don't expect that kind of extraordinary talent in someone who looks so ordinary.
The media and show business think they're so big and powerful and have created a mold that famous people are supposed to fit. So many good looking people who can't really sing are famous and I've watched American Idol plenty. The auditioners who know they don't really have any talent often bring props and gimmicks as if that will help them and don't make it past the first round. They even try dancing and trying to use fancy ornamentation in their songs to make it. They don't just sing because they know they can't. I don't think many of them are serious about a music career. They just want their five minutes of fame and attention whether good or bad.
I often wonder what would happen if some of these famous singers stopped those noodley things they do with their voice and the ornamentation. Would they be as famous if they just sang straight? Susan Boyle, in spite of her plain appearance, walked out on that stage with confidence because she knew what she had even though the audience didn't yet. And it took seconds after she belted out that first line for people's jaws to drop and for them to jump to their feet and applaud. I had trouble hearing the rest of her song because everyone was cheering so loud. She sang straight and she's got it. If you closed your eyes you would think it's Barbara Streisand.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with ornamentation and "noodling" as my voice teacher at Cab Calloway used to call it. I love to do it when I sing pop songs. But there comes a point when it becomes overkill and is just used to cover up lack of tone quality.
This surprise has shown us that there are really no ordinary people in God's world. That even though a person might not look like much, we can never really know what secrets they might have. Jesus said in his sermon on the mount..."Blessed are the humble, for they shall be exalted." Susan Boyle is living proof of that statement. Everyone has something special about them and I think God is using Susan Boyle as a wake up call to us of that statement. Nothing that he creates is ugly.
You go Susan! You're an inspiration to "ordinary" people that they can be extraordinary and you really are living proof that dreams can come true. God has a big plan for you I know it!
For nearly a week now the media has been in a frenzy over a Scottish singing sensation named Susan Boyle whose performance on the reality show "Britain's Got Talent" surprised and enthralled everyone all over the world. You have to live under a rock not to have heard about her.
Never has any contestant on this show been so talked about and adored. It's like she's already won the competition. She literally became a celebrity overnight. Just why are we so fascinated with her? I think because of the supposed irony. Here's this unemployed, homely, cat lady, spinster who's "never been kissed" and out of nowhere, this voice comes that no one expected. She sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables and the song is about broken dreams which adds to the irony because I think her dreams just came true.
When she stepped out on the stage the audience judged the book by it's cover as always. We live in a very looks obsessed society in Western culture and I wouldn't say she's ugly. She has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth and she's not badly overweight. But I won't say she fit the definition of pretty either. She really wasn't much to look at. People scoffed and laughed and thought the audition would last about three seconds. After she belted the first line though...no one was laughing. She sang that song as well as I've ever heard a Broadway performer sing it. The look on Simon Cowell's face was priceless. Everyone was stunned and thrilled. You don't expect that kind of extraordinary talent in someone who looks so ordinary.
The media and show business think they're so big and powerful and have created a mold that famous people are supposed to fit. So many good looking people who can't really sing are famous and I've watched American Idol plenty. The auditioners who know they don't really have any talent often bring props and gimmicks as if that will help them and don't make it past the first round. They even try dancing and trying to use fancy ornamentation in their songs to make it. They don't just sing because they know they can't. I don't think many of them are serious about a music career. They just want their five minutes of fame and attention whether good or bad.
I often wonder what would happen if some of these famous singers stopped those noodley things they do with their voice and the ornamentation. Would they be as famous if they just sang straight? Susan Boyle, in spite of her plain appearance, walked out on that stage with confidence because she knew what she had even though the audience didn't yet. And it took seconds after she belted out that first line for people's jaws to drop and for them to jump to their feet and applaud. I had trouble hearing the rest of her song because everyone was cheering so loud. She sang straight and she's got it. If you closed your eyes you would think it's Barbara Streisand.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with ornamentation and "noodling" as my voice teacher at Cab Calloway used to call it. I love to do it when I sing pop songs. But there comes a point when it becomes overkill and is just used to cover up lack of tone quality.
This surprise has shown us that there are really no ordinary people in God's world. That even though a person might not look like much, we can never really know what secrets they might have. Jesus said in his sermon on the mount..."Blessed are the humble, for they shall be exalted." Susan Boyle is living proof of that statement. Everyone has something special about them and I think God is using Susan Boyle as a wake up call to us of that statement. Nothing that he creates is ugly.
You go Susan! You're an inspiration to "ordinary" people that they can be extraordinary and you really are living proof that dreams can come true. God has a big plan for you I know it!
Monday, April 13, 2009
What is the Plan God?
I've been wondering for a long time just how my life situations can be used by God. Because right now, I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. Oh yeah I'm a nursing student, but lately I've been wondering if that's really what I want to do. I guess I got scared. Nursing school is hard, but I've heard several times that the stuff that's hardest is the stuff most worth going for. I've also had to come to the realization that it will probably take me more than two years to finish just because so many people have to take certain courses more than once. I just have to keep working, and trusting, and believing. If I keep running from something just because it's hard, I will be running for the rest of my life and the four years since high school will have been for nothing. I won't do it. I won't give in. I will be the best nurse I can be, but I will not stop being a musician.
I figure that in order to be a nurse, you have to be around sick people. But there won't be any sick people in Heaven so what is a person to do with their talents? That might be why God gave me the gift of music if not to use in this life...maybe the next. I still plan on glorifying him with my music here though as much as I can. I just wonder why I've always felt like that has been suppressed. There's been a solo here and there, but nothing big. If I knew I could really make it in the music business, I'd dump this nursing in a heart beat and jump with both feet into music. But there are no certainties and I'm not the starving artist type. So I'm a cautious person. But I've seen what life is like just existing from paycheck to paycheck and not knowing where the next one is coming from and I can't live like that. I hope to have a family one day and I want to do right by them.
Does this make sense to anyone? I hope so. Once again, I feel suppressed, but I know that children of God aren't anywhere that God hasn't placed them so I can be confident in that. I just keep praying for peace with my life though. Everyone has regrets, but I feel like I'm too young to have them. I'm just not completely sure of anything right now. I pray for direction and have faith that he will give it to me in his own good time. Thank you Lord.
I figure that in order to be a nurse, you have to be around sick people. But there won't be any sick people in Heaven so what is a person to do with their talents? That might be why God gave me the gift of music if not to use in this life...maybe the next. I still plan on glorifying him with my music here though as much as I can. I just wonder why I've always felt like that has been suppressed. There's been a solo here and there, but nothing big. If I knew I could really make it in the music business, I'd dump this nursing in a heart beat and jump with both feet into music. But there are no certainties and I'm not the starving artist type. So I'm a cautious person. But I've seen what life is like just existing from paycheck to paycheck and not knowing where the next one is coming from and I can't live like that. I hope to have a family one day and I want to do right by them.
Does this make sense to anyone? I hope so. Once again, I feel suppressed, but I know that children of God aren't anywhere that God hasn't placed them so I can be confident in that. I just keep praying for peace with my life though. Everyone has regrets, but I feel like I'm too young to have them. I'm just not completely sure of anything right now. I pray for direction and have faith that he will give it to me in his own good time. Thank you Lord.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter 2009
Happy Easter! He is Risen! This is the most joyous day of the year for Christians. On Good Friday, our Savior Jesus, was crucified on Calvary. The Creator of the Universe was being murdered by his own creation. The price of sin was being paid by the only one who could pay it. The Sacrifice of the Lamb of God threw open the gates of Heaven and there is now no condemnation for those who trust in Jesus Christ's payment for their sin and ask for his forgiveness.
On Easter Sunday the tomb that contained the body of Jesus was found empty. He had risen from the dead and received a new body, like the ones we will receive in Heaven once we leave these weak earthly bodies.
When I'm at the beach, I look out at the ocean and contemplate the beauty of everything God creates. And to think that the God who made something as spectacular as the ocean and told it just where to begin, and where to end, loves me and even died for me, is just mind boggling. I don't know why, and I sure can't understand it, but I'm glad that it is. I might have shared this song last year, but I'd like to share it again. Here it is.
Because He Lives
God sent his Son,
They called him Jesus,
He came to love
heal and forgive
he lived and died
to buy my pardon,
an empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives
Because he lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because he lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know he holds the future,
And live is worth the living just because he lives.
How sweet to hold a new born baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives
But greater still
the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because he lives
Because he lives I can face tomorrow
Because he lives all fear is gone
Because I know he holds the future
And life is worth the living just because he lives
And then one day
I'll cross the river
And fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know he lives
Because he lives, I can face tomorrow
Because he lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know, he holds the future
And life is worth the living just because he lives.
This song says it all. Even though life is hard and I can get very depressed sometimes, I can still have joy in knowing that my God and my Savior is alive and though it has been over 2000 years since he said he'd be back, 1000 years is but a day to God and his timing is not our timing. It's what I was focusing on today. His understanding is not our understanding. It is so much better. I don't know about all of you, but I am real glad that there's someone in control and that it doesn't have to be me. Because if I was in control of my life, I would already have messed it up real bad.
I've met people who don't believe in God, but I've never met a person who doesn't want to. We were born to be discontent in this world and look to something higher than ourselves to trust in. The problem is that some people look to everything, but what they're supposed to look to. They look to jobs, money, power, drugs, alcohol, other people. Some of these are good and some are bad, but it is not good to trust in anything, but God. These things will pass away, but God never will and he will never change. That's a good thing by the way. There is always hope and Easter is proof of that.
Glory be to God the Father and the Son, and the Spirit. Great Jehovah three in one! Who will rejoice with me?
On Easter Sunday the tomb that contained the body of Jesus was found empty. He had risen from the dead and received a new body, like the ones we will receive in Heaven once we leave these weak earthly bodies.
When I'm at the beach, I look out at the ocean and contemplate the beauty of everything God creates. And to think that the God who made something as spectacular as the ocean and told it just where to begin, and where to end, loves me and even died for me, is just mind boggling. I don't know why, and I sure can't understand it, but I'm glad that it is. I might have shared this song last year, but I'd like to share it again. Here it is.
Because He Lives
God sent his Son,
They called him Jesus,
He came to love
heal and forgive
he lived and died
to buy my pardon,
an empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives
Because he lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because he lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know he holds the future,
And live is worth the living just because he lives.
How sweet to hold a new born baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives
But greater still
the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because he lives
Because he lives I can face tomorrow
Because he lives all fear is gone
Because I know he holds the future
And life is worth the living just because he lives
And then one day
I'll cross the river
And fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know he lives
Because he lives, I can face tomorrow
Because he lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know, he holds the future
And life is worth the living just because he lives.
This song says it all. Even though life is hard and I can get very depressed sometimes, I can still have joy in knowing that my God and my Savior is alive and though it has been over 2000 years since he said he'd be back, 1000 years is but a day to God and his timing is not our timing. It's what I was focusing on today. His understanding is not our understanding. It is so much better. I don't know about all of you, but I am real glad that there's someone in control and that it doesn't have to be me. Because if I was in control of my life, I would already have messed it up real bad.
I've met people who don't believe in God, but I've never met a person who doesn't want to. We were born to be discontent in this world and look to something higher than ourselves to trust in. The problem is that some people look to everything, but what they're supposed to look to. They look to jobs, money, power, drugs, alcohol, other people. Some of these are good and some are bad, but it is not good to trust in anything, but God. These things will pass away, but God never will and he will never change. That's a good thing by the way. There is always hope and Easter is proof of that.
Glory be to God the Father and the Son, and the Spirit. Great Jehovah three in one! Who will rejoice with me?
First Blog
Hi Everybody. This is my first blog on this site. I was invited by a friend and it is Easter Sunday 2009. I look forward to getting to know this site and the people on it.
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